It's been a LONG time...

The last time I blogged was almost six months ago... When I was still a freshwoman... Now I'm already at the end of my first semester of being a sophmore... How time flies is amazing... How time slows down when your down is also amazing...

Anway, its one month before my brother graduates. Haiz... I really don't want to be here alone for the next 2.5 years... It is going to SUCK! I mean... I'm already lost in the darkness, and if you take away my main light... I'm lost in TOTAL darkness.

Well... I gotta learn how to be independent... But i always feel its unfair how I'm forced to grow up faster than many of my friends back home. How come they get to still live with their parents? How come they don't have to worry about working? About cooking their own meals? Groceries, paying fees, paying bills...

Then the resounding voices of my parents in my head say, "It is for your own good". I agree.

When I look back to when I was still in Secondary School, and compare that to what I have become now... I can definitely notice some changes. I am still extremely childish, tempermental, nerdy and irritating. But I am also more responsible, because now, if anything goes wrong... It is MY FAULT. No longer do I have my parents there to clean up messes for me. If I screw up, I would have to step up to the plate and take responsibility.

But the lesson that I think was the best was... I learn to treasure everyone around me much more. Compared to days when I saw my parents everyday, to now, where I only get to talk to them once a month or through MSN. You take those minutes of conversation with much more heart. I mean... I still do get slightly irritated when my mum or dad nags at me... But just hearing their voices make me smile. To have them say things that give you a sense of security and homeliness, is something that is priceless.

Having come up here, was definitely a big fat smack in the face. It was a wake-up call to tell me that, I have got to learn to grow up. I cannot always be daddy's little girl or the baby of the family.

I will miss those times of being pampered and humored, but I guess time is moving and I gotta move with it too!

This is a quote that I really like, I find it blunt and humorous, yet so true.

"The problem with the world is that the stupid is cocksure, and the intelligent full of doubt."
- Bertrand Russell (British Philosopher)

On another topic now...

TRANSFERRING

I have applied to some other schools in hopes of transferring, yet I am still unsure about whether I would go. I am feeling settled in to my current school. I have a rough sketch of my classes, I want to be a TA, I want to form clubs and groups with other friends. Would it be a wise decision to move? Of course this is a hypothetical question, I don't even know whether I will get accepted. If I did not, then my decision is simple. But if I did, then it gets complicated.

As much as people say it is my own decision. I am not going to ignore my family's reaction and friends' reaction. I have thought about this for a LONG LONG time, and still, I have not come to any conclusion.

Although I must say that I am getting frustrated with some people and I am extremely tempted to leave, if I do get accepted. I want to get far far away from people that make me doubt myself so much, that make me feel so lousy about myself, and yet be able to make me feel bad about them. I AM SICK OF IT!!! I cannot stand it anymore. I just want to pack my bags and leave so that I would no longer feel so fucking shitty about myself. I no longer feel proud of anything I do, because everything I do is so insignificant. Why is that? Why is that you feel so compelled to make me feel so pathetic? I already do! I do not need your assistance!

After such an angry rant, I have actually convinced myself that I want to leave. Then I think about the other factors and I just chicken out. Can someone just make the decision for me!?

Anyway... time to do work... It felt pretty good being able to just let some anger out of me. But I can bet you, by the end of the week, I'm going to be knocked down AGAIN. Its a vicious cycle; just when I thought i was getting somewhere, *BANG* it comes out of nowhere to hit me back down.

I hope that everybody in Singapore is doing well. To my family, I love you!! To my friends, I miss you!! To myself, *smack*

Till the next time we meet, I bid you adieu.

kathryn blogged on 4/17/2006 06:28:00 AM

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Everything has changed.
Not sure whether i like it.
Anyway, to everybody out there,
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
It's the season to mooch off your friends and family!

kathryn blogged on 12/24/2005 12:43:00 PM

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Okie doke... and the word of the day is....
"EBB"
n
1: a gradual decline (in size or strength or power or number) [syn: ebbing, wane]
2: the outward flow of the tide [syn: reflux]
v
1: flow back or recede; "the tides ebbed at noon" [syn: ebb away, ebb down, ebb out, ebb off] [ant: tide]
2: hem in fish with stakes and nets so as to prevent them from going back into the sea with the ebb 3: fall away or decline; "The patient's strength ebbed away"

haiz... this is starting to remind me of sesame street. But I'm desperate...

kathryn blogged on 11/21/2005 04:43:00 AM

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Okok... After hearing some rather negative comments about my English, i have decided to take some action to improve it. Rather then just sulk around and have my English skills go down the drain. So I have decided to start by improving my vocabulary. I would put a bunch words with their meaning on my blog so that whenever I visit my blog, I read it and remember the new word I had entered. Lame, I know. But you got to start somewhere right? Ok.. so here goes nothing...

waylay
1. To lie in wait for and attack from ambush.
2. To accost or intercept unexpectedly.
Synonyms: Ambush, scupper, bushwhack, lurk, ambuscade, lie in wait.
Antonyms: expect

Hopefully, this works. I shall speak proper english from now on. But I will still allow myself the joy of speaking Singlish every now and then.

kathryn blogged on 11/17/2005 02:06:00 PM

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Can someone please tell what the hell I can do?
I can't seem to find anything that i can do... i guess, i sorta can study, nothing else...
I guess i would have to resign to my fate...
I am a spoiled rich kid incapable of doing anything
and whose life goal is to be a burden to society.

Goal in life: To die.
Accomplishments in life: None.
Greatest wish: To contract a terminal disease that would take my life within week.

help.

kathryn blogged on 10/17/2005 02:38:00 PM

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NEWS FLASH!

Life is a bitch, and there ain't nothing u can do about it.

kathryn blogged on 6/22/2005 09:52:00 AM

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[What am i doing right at this moment?- Sitting on my desk, in my very messy dorm room, trying to study!]

Life sucks... I suck... Studying sucks... finals suck... moving out sucks... cramming for finals suck... everything sucks...

so far... the only thing that is not making me wanna just give up is that my parents are here for holiday... get to see papa n mama... get to eat good food... what's not to like??
oh ya... having to go back to face reality...

haiz.. really never would have thought i would be in such a predicament in the states... i guess i was expecting this more in Singapore, where the education system is so much more rigid, tough n stressful... but boy was i in for a shocker...

Life in the states is not all peachy.... wait.. it isn't peachy AT ALL!!!
I guess compared to Singapore, studies-wise, its not as harsh... but isn't all that easy too... its not like how everybody had described... saying that it was chicken-feed... u dun have to study... blah blah blah... U DO STUDY!!! there are continuous deadlines to meet... n not all professors are like the teachers back home.. i mean they don't give u detention... but they take it out on ur grade!! Which is ten times worse... because they cut 1/3 grade.... which sucks a whole lot more...

Do i regret coming here so early?? NO... i guess i would have to face this reality anyways... so might as well get it over n done with... n of course if i didn't come up this early... i wouldn't have met Connie, Sarah, Linda and many more... I also wouldn't have been placed on the 'wellness floor'!!

But on the other hand i don't know whether i can say that college life is better than JC life.. because i have not had a taste of JC life.. everybody says that the first few months are just fun... but i guess i shouldn't believe everything that 'everybody' says, because apparently they aren't always right...

Ok... enough of my crappy ramblings... me gotta go n study.. finals in 2 days!!!!
OOOOOHHHHHHMMMMMM..... relax... (*btw... yoga is good for relaxing ur mind... but painful to ur body)

-Kathryn

kathryn blogged on 5/05/2005 03:49:00 AM

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